Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Apparently Alcohol Can Make You Pregnant

The Center for Disease Control has issued a helpful poster for us lady folk.

I find the groundbreaking information presented here pretty disturbing.  I'm curious as to why this hasn't caused a bigger stir.

I was unaware that drinking too much could cause me to become pregnant.  I'm a little unclear on the mechanics, as I had always associated certain processes involving certain unrelated body systems with becoming pregnant.  But no.  Are there fetuses in alcohol now?  That somehow claw their way (reverse Alien-like, I assume) into the uterus?  How is this not on the news?  But yet, drinking can also cause you to become infertile.  I imagine that's because the baby who clawed its way in left scar tissue.  Fair enough.  I'll concede that point, CDC.

And what about those sexually transmitted diseases of which this speaks?  I'd say that companies involved in causing their products to carry live viruses should have those particular lots recalled stat.  Frankly I'm even more surprised to hear viruses could survive in such an acidic environment.  That is also cause for great alarm.

Violence goes without saying, I suppose.  If you drink, women, your soul is rendered in two (think Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde) causing you to run amuck in the night, returning to your senses early only  in the morning when you realize you are carrying Jack Daniel's baby.

Thanks, CDC.  Point taken.

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